Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Deep calleth unto deep

To have walked this road and still find myself here is nothing short of a miracle. I walked in the valley of the shadow of death, I strayed far from home, but I find myself back here once again. Not battered and bruised like I find myself sometimes. Just a deep longing, a yearning, a calling, deep calleth unto deep.
You will never miss the sun until you've been in the rain; you can never miss a person until you've had to live without them. I have never missed my Daddy until I lived a life apart from Him.

Right now I feel so blessed to have this truth and knowledge. It's the type of truth and knowledge that comes from a deep conviction that cannot be shaken. I have found that my very foundation is rooted in Him and Him alone! Blessed assurance! What a privilege, and such grace to be able to find my way back home to Him once again! This morning all I could think about was Him and how great He is. Is He mad at me? Did I hurt Him? What I can I do to make it better? How can I show Him I love Him more than all else?
Right now my heart's cry is for the lost that I know. The souls that He so dearly loves and wants back. How can I be an instrument? I am so excited and happy about Him that I don't see how anyone cannot want Him, cannot desire Him with everything that is inside them. How can anyone live without so great a Love?! I want everyone to know. I want all and sundry to understand why He is the best thing that can happen to anyone.

It's not in lip service, t's not in what we do. It's about obedience to Him, loving Him in Spirit and in truth. It's not so people can see. It's so they can glorify His name! I'm so serene as I write this, it's amazing. I came from a dull space into this. He truly hears the cry of the broken. A broken and contrite heart He will not turn away. It's amazing how many roads I've had to travel to get to one that truly led me down to You. Now I bow my knee to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, allowing my re-birth to transform and renew my mind, making me into His very own. On marked and inscribed with His name. My God and my Friend. My very present Help and Delight.

You know, Scripture will never make sense until you begin to see things in a different light. You see, that Scripture that says Delight yourself in the is very apt and deep because you can never delight in something that you do not love and cherish. You will always abuse what you do not love. It is with this in mind that falling in love with Him becomes key. Right now, I can truly say it's like I'm getting to know Him for the first time!

It's not about listening to the right songs, saying the right things. It's being right, having a right heart towards Him.

Again, I bow my knee. I surrender all. You have called, now I I am Lord.

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

The heart is deceitful above all things

So here I am again. I'm in that place once again where I get to ask, how did I get here! The heart! Oh how the heart loves to love and be loved. In all my years I have seen as a matter of fact that it is a basic human need to love and to be loved by someone other than God and your family and friends. Hence when the opportunity presents itself, we tend to dive in heart first without giving it a minute's thought. Is it then a wonder when we walk out battered and bruised wondering how on earth! The Bible is clear, 'GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE, FOR OUT OF IT FLOW THE ISSUES OF LIFE'. Such apt wisdom! Once the heart is wounded or broken, it is difficult to focus on anything else other than the fact.

One would think that after a heart rending heartache, one would fold up shop and decide to walk away, yet by its own volition, the heart is forever searching, reaching out for the opportunity to love. It is needless to say that more songs have been sung, and movies produced about love itself.
So I'm sitting here and sighing at the fact that my heart is reaching out to a closed heart. This is a person who is waiting for the first opportunity to walk. My poor tired heart needs a break! So I guess I need to make a decision. I choose to be whole, I choose to save my heart from scaring. I choose to guard my heart with diligence.

A wise man once said that the more you allow God to control the issues of your heart the less you are prone to heartache (wait, that's just me thinking it out! lol ). So now I guess God is all I have and I need to surrender all to Him.I cannot, will not do this without Him. He is the author and Creator of Love and the heart itself, so yes He understands the issues of life that are likely to flow out of it.

Here I put my pen down. I need a moment to ponder.....

Monday, 26 August 2013

The Greatest Love I Know

I have looked in my life and seen the many 'black horses' that have come my way. I think I'm finally ready for my white horse, the fairytale knight in shining armor. I realised something, He's always been there rescuing me at every turn, bringing me out of stuff, and loving me even more when I'm not the best of people. What greater love can I ask for?

He has never disappointed me, albeit the fact that I did the same to Him so many times. He always tells me that I'm beautiful and how much He loves me. I get flowers everyday! Show me a man who is romantic, and I'll show you mine! He knows how to romance me and make me fall in love with Him all over again! That's my white horse right there.

The other day I was just feeling so emotionless and I didnt care about much, but He quickly came and whispered a love song into my ear. I walk around with stars in my eyes and little red hearts floating about me. I have truly never experienced greater love than the one I have with Him.
He is my life, the air that I breathe, the love I've never had, and that much more. I love Him with everything in me.
Life can be really funny at times. The person who meant so much to you last year this time, means absolutely nothing to you this year same time around! Then one has to question, was it real or was it all part of some farce?

My head is still reeling. Once upon a time I respected and held dear. A leader, a friend. It's amazing how you can say one one thing and its heard in a totally different way! The heart indeed can be deceptive.No one can fully know or comprehend its nature.
In the thick of things, keep all I've said to you in confidence as that. But I am thoroughly disappointed and disgruntled that one would throw the baby out with the bath water. Whatever vestige I had of respect was finally torn to shreds In a few sentences, a heartbeat,a few breaths. It takes a lifetime to build trust but only a whisper to destroy it. A wise woman builds her house!

However, I saw something.Never have I seen a persn so sad, so insecure, so tormented by life and hanging On to whatever vestige of hope that they have. Pity. I am looking at a sad person. I suppose they have been like that for years. I've always wondered why there was no warmth inside. Just a person living on a day to day. No excitement, no spark, just automated.
Just a sad little girl desperate for rescuing. No one can rescue her. Just her Maker. A lifetime of misery projected onto others.

It's sad, pitiful.That surely cannot be life. To live a life where people tolerate you for the sake of the one closest to you....
Never have I seen any one person carry the weight of the world upon their shoulders in that way. A ticking time bomb ready for detonation..

Time to rest and feel the gentle breeze, enjoy life. It is beautiful after all